Every night it’s another starvation for sleep
A quick mind set to devastation
Thinking of everything in the past
Or will this new happiness even last?
There’s a little light I hope to keep
I try to lay my mind to rest in a sweet meditation
In all truth for this there is no remediation
Only for in my mind I stay in an alternate illusion,
Closing my eyes to take my vision away from the sad truth,
I begin to dream.
I’ve lived a life that has been hard to swallow
I have been sentimental with my fierceness
laughed when I should have bitten down hard
come away with meat and fire in my eyes
tell me things will get better
in a therapy voice tinged with a sound that translates
“I can say this because I’m not in your life the same way
that you are”
silver birch brocade of Alberta
or pond scum and the hot sun
rippled in its core
the absent body of your ten year old self
running
from rooms filled with mother-shadow
how unlike forgiveness
the final moment
underfoot & primed
crippling Delaware storefronts
with no face you’d recognize
there is no kindness in your cup
and you are completely
soul crushingly
utterly
alone in this room
of waning withheld light
night will not hold you
each cell in you buckles
totally unaware
rigged against you
thirsty eyed
&
thrown
under
a thousand
trampling feet
the revenge
of
a river.
A gazelle
Leaping
In a herd of human expression
Fleet of foot
A golden bird
Just found the words of fable
That could sew our world back together
In a silken bag
tied to a balloon
floating over our heads
And even if we caught it
And spelled the whole thing out
Who’s left
Clear enough
To pronounce the perfect words
I awoke from my
living nightmare
into your American
dream
I sense a void
growing
wider each
passing day
A contempt
for this world
and forfeiture
of hope
This is as good
as it gets
and that’s not
good enough
For the sake
of the self
I lost
long ago
I wish to see
in my lifetime
the downfall
of a system
That’s bred
a multitude of
indifference
suffering
and disdain
To be replaced
by a new generation
of benevolent souls
Willing to be
the change
that is needed
The sacrifice
to benefit
the all
Peeling
thrown into
the garden
attracts
glittery teeth
while
the land
is dreaming.
Oh love, now I feel you!
After the dozen years you lay me breathless in that psychiatric infirmary
Where i thought of her always
And made love to her in dreams.
Love, for the many years I saw you not, I thought you lived no more
Until this day you brought to me my lost rib who cured my love casualties.
Truly, in her I saw you!
Yes, in her I saw you!
Sometimes it is almost impossible.
The Frown you’ve been imprisoned behind
set in stone and Master
to your outlook, cause and thoughts.
The weight which bears your Spirits down,
ridiculous in its crushing immovability
and that sinking, lost feeling reigns supreme.
Start with the ‘Little Things’
they are the real Stepping Stones… leading… the… way.
Momentum will come, slowly yet surely,
like trickling stream into flowing river
and out into swelling ocean at last.
One crack is all that is needed
to let the light and warmth start flooding through.
Your ‘Smile’ is the Doorway,
Rope Ladder and Self Rescue
out of that miserable dark pit
which you have only too humanly fallen into.
It will lead your ‘Baby Steps’ walk
back out and into those Summer Skies of Blue.
More at https://paultristram.blogspot.co.uk/.