We’re at an impasse. Any decision is the wrong decision on some
level, even the easiest decision is probably the worst: doing nothing at all. Let everything stay the way it is. Keep living in the pretend reality that everything is okay. Keep letting the years go by without making a decision. Keep hoping things will change. You know you keep repeating that stupid quote in your head “The definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting different results.” And yet you keep doing it. Because the moment you stand on the precipice, the moment you look at the edge at what’s unknown at the bottom, you pull back. You recede into what’s known, what’s comfortable. Even though you know it’s irrational. Even though you know it’s holding you back from progress.
This year you have come the closest yet to making the jump. Have
faith. The therapist is right: you are immature. You are not mature enough to stand on your own. You are not mature enough to take what
you already know and put it into practice. That one statement twisted your reality so far backwards, that now you aren’t sure what to do with yourself. It really is your fault. You put yourself here and only you can bring yourself out.
So, I ask again, where do we go from here? Do we continue on this path through the fishbowl we have been pretending is the world? Knowing that eventually it will end, but allowing someone else to make that decision for us? Are we that weak? Maybe we are. Let’s fade back into our false reality for a bit longer. It’s comfortable here with the wool pulled over our eyes.
More at https://ashleyjmorgan.wordpress.com/2015/03/26/where-do-we-go-from-here-an-inner-dialogue/.
